When I found out that Nicole had been in a car accident, I was out-of-town leading a group of high school students on a construction site. I listened as a mutual high school friend told the story, weaving in and out of sympathy and judgment. We had no idea what to think, what to do, what to say.
As I returned to the church where we were staying for the week, I noticed the sign out front had been changed while we were gone for the day. It now read, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him. Romans 8:28". I wish I could say that after reading this I had some immediate peace or knowledge of what to do, but I didn't. I knew that I needed that verse as a reminder, and in the days, and weeks, and months that followed, I have often found myself saying the verse over and over to myself.
I put myself in an awkward place when I returned home at the end of the week. I made up my mind that I would stop by her house to see her parents, or her if she was home. But as I drove, I couldn't bring myself to take the exit. I hadn't seen Nicole in over a year. Are we even friends anymore? What would she think if I showed up now? What would I say when she opened the door? What was my motive for going? The questions went on and on.
So, as I am often guilty of doing in awkward situations, I took the easy road - I went home that day instead of going to see her, and I have followed that same easy route many times since. I have prayed intermittently, and thought of her often - but mostly, I have gone about my life.
I have been a bad friend - and an even worse Christian.
As I have read article after article this week (written by a man whom I am truly not sure how he keeps his job based on the number of spelling and grammar errors), my heart has been torn apart. I see comments filled with harsh words at Nicole's expense, and my instinct is to jump to her defense. If I hadn't years ago made myself the promise to always double check my controversial topic comments against what Jesus would do, I certainly would have gotten in a few fights this week.
But luckily, I did make that promise to myself - and now, everyday this week, I have sat and wondered what would Jesus do if he were here right now? What would he say to Nicole? How would he behave?
Then it hit me.
He would
love her.
I know that is the absolute truth - but it sounds way more simple than it is, right? Maybe not. Maybe loving someone, no matter the scenario or the sin, is truly that simple.
"For this reason I say to you, her sins,
which are many, have been forgiven,
for she loved much; but he who is
forgiven little, loves little."
Luke 7:47
The world always depicts love as a grand gesture, a phenomenal feeling. But (as I am learning everyday as I prepare to be a wife, and love someone for the rest of my life) love is none of those things. Love is a choice, in every moment, in every action.
This means I need to forgive her. You're right, I wasn't the one who was in the other car, but I have judged her. I have wanted to hold her accountable. I have held a grudge against her. And therefore I need to forgive her. This is truly more about me than it is about her - I often forget that about forgiveness.
This means I need to choose love in every word. Again, this is just as much about me as it is about her. When we speak out to friends, or post on Facebook, our words reflect who we are. When we choose hateful or judgmental words, even if we somehow convince ourselves that they are warranted in the situation, we are allowing death into our own lives and the lives of whom we are speaking about. Not to mention, we come across as extremely hypocritical, which is often why people hate Christians in the first place.
And lastly, this means I need to choose love in every action. I certainly did not choose love when I avoided going to her house because of my own reservations and potential embarrassment. I should have, and wish every day that I had, but I can only choose differently going forward.
I have come to realize this week that you never stop being friends with someone. My past is intertwined with Nicole. I am who I am today because of her. Regardless of where our friendship is, or of where her walk with Christ is (and just for the record, I do know that she has one). Nicole is my friend. My best friend. She loved me, supported me, challenged me, cared for me, and fought for me - just as my own sister would. She was never perfect, nor tried to portray such an image, but she loved deeply, and anyone who has ever been loved by her knows what that feels like. I owe nothing to her, and she nothing to me, but I owe
everything to Christ, and for that I will love her (and all my other brothers and sisters in this world) - regardless of sin.
"And we know that in all things God works for
the good of those who love him."
Romans 8:28
I will resist speculating on what that good is. I truly wish I knew as it would probably comfort many people. But God is so big. I know He is working for good, I will trust His plan, and do my part -
love.
*I will not pretend to know what should be legally done in this scenario. I understand actions have consequences, but this post is not about that in the least. This is solely about being a non-hypocritical Christian, withholding judgment (for I am not better than her - I also have sinned), and loving her as Christ would.
*With that being said, any degrading, rude, or otherwise unwarranted or unrelated comments will be deleted.
